To walk out of shadow

To walk out of shadow we can either remove whatever is casting the shadow, or we can move into the light. I know which is easier. I do not know which is best. For I cannot remove myself.

— Nelsonia

Why the psalms follow Job

Perhaps it’s not coincidence that the Psalms follow Job—like reflecting ponds follow a great storm, or like the unchosen peace that falls upon those who’ve suffered much, the praise of gratitude when pain finally ends.

—Nelsonia

Unholy trinity, revisited

Note: In a previous article there was some readers who felt I was unfairly negative about money, sex and power. There is some truth to their criticism. In response, I revisited the topic with a more positive perspective that better represents how I feel about the relationship between money, sex and power and the spiritual life. Thank you for your patience and forbearance as I work through this topic.

In Christianity we worship in the name of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. The Father creates all things. The Son reveals God’s heart by becoming one of us. The Spirit shows the presence of God in the world. This is the ancient doctrine of the Trinity. One God in three Persons.

Then there is the trinity of money, sex and power. These are primal forces that we can’t do without. Evolution has programmed them into us. There is nothing inherently bad about money, sex and power. It’s how they’re used.

Money is the medium of human labor and ingenuity that powers the economy. Nothing wrong about that.

Sex forges a deep connection between two people and brings new life into the world. This is something almost everyone wants.

Power directs people toward cooperative activity, safeguards order and protects people from harm. Sounds essential to me.

So what’s the problem?

This secular trinity can become unholy when its components are pursued selfishly. Money becomes the goal rather than a means to achieve goals. Sex is sought for pleasure alone, rather than for life-giving love. Power is pursued to manipulate and intimidate, rather than to serve the greater good.

Christianity, and most religions, offer a redeemed version of these prime movers. Sex is subsumed into love and marriage. Money is tamed by generosity and stewardship. Power becomes the servant of humility.

We can worship money, sex and power. Or we can follow the ways of generosity, love, and humility.

What do you choose?

— Nelsonia

Full Circle

Covid ICU. Credit: NBC News

A year ago, on Friday, April 10th, 2020, I came off the ventilator in Covid ICU. Last night, one of our patients came off the ventilator in Covid ICU.

I lived. She died. And I don’t know what to make of that.

I was her chaplain. I had just finished praying the rosary for her when I learned she was going on comfort care. Life support would be stopped. Pain and anxiety relief would stay. Very soon, the order came through.

The nurse, the nurse assistant, the respiratory therapist and myself were with her when the breathing tube was removed. The nurse assistant and I held her hands while the respiratory therapist tended to the necessary tasks of extubation. The nurse stroked the patient’s hair.

She had no chance of survival. She couldn’t breathe on her own. I watched as the light faded from her face. I told her, “You’re going to heaven now.” I said a prayer of commendation as the life left her eyes.

Covid patients don’t die alone. They die with us, their healthcare workers. We were her family in the final hours and minutes of life. That was a blessing—of a kind. And yet the language of blessing fails in this pandemic time.

I am blessed to be alive. Or am I merely fortunate? After all, I lived and she died. I don’t know what to make of that, and doubt I ever will.

— Nelsonia